Midnight

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Dark and alone…home

but

not really there…

sitting between walls

looking at them with a blank stare…do I dare?

Emotions everywhere

mind all over the place

rocking back and forth

without

a rocking chair

blowing out

hot air

mumbling, ”Do I really care?”

If midnight was in

the daylight

maybe I would

dissolve in the sunlight

away from

the darkness

that hunts

me often

to

put me in

a burial coffin

dead

from my own head.

 

 

In my Head…

My mind

speaks

to me…Fix me?

What’s wrong

with me? Shhh!

Let me quiet

those

thoughts

louder

than I

want to think

or

want to speak

wanting

that

attention

intentionally

pounding

to listen. Hush!

Let me

hear

my

sounds

Of ME

my

turn up

bass

of music

mystery

to

drown

them old wildly

echoing tunes of the truth…the past…

the whatever… to another song…Ahhhhhh!

Screaming

inside

anxious

whispers

of grains

sprawling

sound bits

awaiting me

to misery

from

peace from ME.

Will peace everybe?

Shhhhh! Quiet please.

Remember What?

Flashbacks…,

daydreams…,

Nightmares…,

they’ve

come and go

into

memories

of anguish

and spooked

into swirling

illusion and confusion

Woken

into insanity

sailing back

off track

to tailor

defeat…

No, No, No,

not me

anymore…

pressing

reset on the

cranial lobe

of toxic

cancer

eating away

precious

today’s…

Shy

hiding

not

confiding

tried and exhausted

sobbing for

solutions

to

dead this

slow execution

of misery…

No, No, No,

can’t talk

about it,

write

about it,

or even

try to

describe it…,

muting

the

wanna

knows

sparingly

from

an pandora box

filled

of trying not

to

Remember…,

To

how I

wanna be

remembered

as

not

crazy.

Returning to Visit

In a cold

dark room

she sat in slient

on concrete

looking down

at the space

between her toes,

rocking back and forth

to many triggers shots

stealing time preoccuping

her mind she reached

maximum capacity.

“Talk to me,” I whispered.

She looked at me once

and turned her face.

Golden droplets

leaked down her

shaking pants leg

to the ground.

She parted her dry lips

to bite her finger nails,

shaking her head

side to side,

swollen eyes

looked into mine

she said,

“I want to be erased, kill me now, or I will myself, no matter what it takes.”

Slowly walking towards

her we embraced in a hug.

Four knocks…

guards open large

medal door.

Stepping out of the threshold

she yelled, “I love you girl, don’t come back to My Hell. ”

the door slammed closed

for seventy-two hours

and three minutes later,

she was pronounced dead…,

never forgetting

a moment

because

she’s always in my head.

Life’mares

Cold sweats, he shooked

in and out of death,

silently whispering confession

of dark nightmares

hated

for years later

till death,

pointed a gun

in tears

to his left

lobe

erasing all fears

he let go

to leave

out of

misery…,

To

hunting me

again

he hasn’t left…

breathing the same whispers

at night,

tugging my pillow from

left to right,

hugging sheets

of repeated

whispers

hunted

sleepless

to praying

“My God Please…, take

this

PTSD away from

Me!”