Dark and alone…home
but
not really there…
sitting between walls
looking at them with a blank stare…do I dare?
Emotions everywhere
mind all over the place
rocking back and forth
without
a rocking chair
blowing out
hot air
mumbling, ”Do I really care?”
If midnight was in
the daylight
maybe I would
dissolve in the sunlight
away from
the darkness
that hunts
me often
to
put me in
a burial coffin
dead
from my own head.
My mind
speaks
to me…Fix me?
What’s wrong
with me? Shhh!
Let me quiet
those
thoughts
louder
than I
want to think
or
want to speak
wanting
that
attention
intentionally
pounding
to listen. Hush!
Let me
hear
my
sounds
Of ME
my
turn up
bass
of music
mystery
to
drown
them old wildly
echoing tunes of the truth…the past…
the whatever… to another song…Ahhhhhh!
Screaming
inside
anxious
whispers
of grains
sprawling
sound bits
awaiting me
to misery
from
peace from ME.
Will peace everybe?
Shhhhh! Quiet please.
Flashbacks…,
daydreams…,
Nightmares…,
they’ve
come and go
into
memories
of anguish
and spooked
into swirling
illusion and confusion
Woken
into insanity
sailing back
off track
to tailor
defeat…
No, No, No,
not me
anymore…
pressing
reset on the
cranial lobe
of toxic
cancer
eating away
precious
today’s…
Shy
hiding
not
confiding
tried and exhausted
sobbing for
solutions
to
dead this
slow execution
of misery…
No, No, No,
can’t talk
about it,
write
about it,
or even
try to
describe it…,
muting
the
wanna
knows
sparingly
from
an pandora box
filled
of trying not
to
Remember…,
To
how I
wanna be
remembered
as
not
crazy.
In a cold
dark room
she sat in slient
on concrete
looking down
at the space
between her toes,
rocking back and forth
to many triggers shots
stealing time preoccuping
her mind she reached
maximum capacity.
“Talk to me,” I whispered.
She looked at me once
and turned her face.
Golden droplets
leaked down her
shaking pants leg
to the ground.
She parted her dry lips
to bite her finger nails,
shaking her head
side to side,
swollen eyes
looked into mine
she said,
“I want to be erased, kill me now, or I will myself, no matter what it takes.”
Slowly walking towards
her we embraced in a hug.
Four knocks…
guards open large
medal door.
Stepping out of the threshold
she yelled, “I love you girl, don’t come back to My Hell. ”
the door slammed closed
for seventy-two hours
and three minutes later,
she was pronounced dead…,
never forgetting
a moment
because
she’s always in my head.
Cold sweats, he shooked
in and out of death,
silently whispering confession
of dark nightmares
hated
for years later
till death,
pointed a gun
in tears
to his left
lobe
erasing all fears
he let go
to leave
out of
misery…,
To
hunting me
again
he hasn’t left…
breathing the same whispers
at night,
tugging my pillow from
left to right,
hugging sheets
of repeated
whispers
hunted
sleepless
to praying
“My God Please…, take
this
PTSD away from
Me!”
