These Days…

Dark tunnels

pass

near

rather than

far

present

in

living

when

death

whereabouts

Inside

the head

purely

running around like a two-year-old

on a playground

screaming

loud

under a bleacher

Ahhhh!

Student to a teacher

A+,

plus, plus,

degrees

to the

cleverest

to shoot

for a forecast

life

from the hood

wishing

that they’re

little engine

that

could…

but,

never

overseas

never

overcoming

the stuck

in the yuck

like gum

overwhelmed

to be

scrape off

once

found

beyond dark

shadows

that follows

under pressure

walking.

Burdens

trapped

under

alligator skin

clamping

into

ways to get

into

a death roll

twirling

around

rough tidal waves

crashing

deep in

depths

to

sorrow

until

nothing

left

except

the burdensome

bullet

in my pistol.

Midnight

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Dark and alone…home

but

not really there…

sitting between walls

looking at them with a blank stare…do I dare?

Emotions everywhere

mind all over the place

rocking back and forth

without

a rocking chair

blowing out

hot air

mumbling, ”Do I really care?”

If midnight was in

the daylight

maybe I would

dissolve in the sunlight

away from

the darkness

that hunts

me often

to

put me in

a burial coffin

dead

from my own head.

 

 

Stank

Eeeeeeel!

Funky

clogged

up

dirty

drains

spills

nasty filth

of

a grime mouth

running-out

sewers

rats in

packs…

Come

See

Me…

Here…I …Am.

Locked and loaded

waiting,

to

squeeze-off

happy

yo-muck-head

to

bleed out

a

Prayer

to God, …Wait!

Candles

lit

patience

to

sit

holding

on to

the situation

or

headout.

Angermanagent

red…

spread

em’ out

stinky- inky…

this is

or

this ain’t

a cleanse

gone bad.

It Up to Me…

Stumble

upon

a rock,

tripped

over my own

shoe,

clumsy to

stand

balancing

when

I lost

You.

Embrace

for impact

with

both hands

to fall…

different thoughts,

different ways,

different days,

it’s still up

to me always.

Gravel

scuffed

my hands

rough

but

as tough as

I…

I get up

to be

myself

brushing off

the pain,

only I

can

hold myself

up

when

No others

around

me

remains.

In my Head…

My mind

speaks

to me…Fix me?

What’s wrong

with me? Shhh!

Let me quiet

those

thoughts

louder

than I

want to think

or

want to speak

wanting

that

attention

intentionally

pounding

to listen. Hush!

Let me

hear

my

sounds

Of ME

my

turn up

bass

of music

mystery

to

drown

them old wildly

echoing tunes of the truth…the past…

the whatever… to another song…Ahhhhhh!

Screaming

inside

anxious

whispers

of grains

sprawling

sound bits

awaiting me

to misery

from

peace from ME.

Will peace everybe?

Shhhhh! Quiet please.

Biological Ties Cut Young

Precious

at first,

beauty in the

fetal

position

in the

womb

watching a

human element

development…, Blessed!

Awoke at birth,

umbilical cord tied

around my neck,

emergency surgery

in a hurry

all hands on deck,

this babygirl

wasn’t ready

for the World

of mess.

Let me confess

to

my Mother

sweating cuffed

to the bedside

buzzed

out

on drugs

closed

gates

No hugs

or

Love

my shoulders

still strug

to

Why

You

did the

things

You

Did.

Born

from

Trouble

I kept

my hands

clean

to only

scream

at your face

in nightmares.

You

wouldn’t

Dare

face

Me

Now,

Biological Breeder.

Mother

is not a proper

label

for you.

Where could yours

eyes hide

looking into mines?

Returning to Visit

In a cold

dark room

she sat in slient

on concrete

looking down

at the space

between her toes,

rocking back and forth

to many triggers shots

stealing time preoccuping

her mind she reached

maximum capacity.

“Talk to me,” I whispered.

She looked at me once

and turned her face.

Golden droplets

leaked down her

shaking pants leg

to the ground.

She parted her dry lips

to bite her finger nails,

shaking her head

side to side,

swollen eyes

looked into mine

she said,

“I want to be erased, kill me now, or I will myself, no matter what it takes.”

Slowly walking towards

her we embraced in a hug.

Four knocks…

guards open large

medal door.

Stepping out of the threshold

she yelled, “I love you girl, don’t come back to My Hell. ”

the door slammed closed

for seventy-two hours

and three minutes later,

she was pronounced dead…,

never forgetting

a moment

because

she’s always in my head.

Breaking

Breaking

free

reaching outside

of my

internal

elements

to be

a better me.

Scars of tragedy

hidden deep

in

heart’s cavity.

Buried

a smile

pouring the

tears

in

years

to wrinkles

in

a rare

expression

planted

to

submerged

fighting

not to

emerge

in the

hidden

closed

me.

Urging

me

why

this

suppose

to be

a pain

whenever

to whomever

more and more

for whatever

fertilized

into

nothing

green

to burnt

brown

smothered

ill

crippling

my life

harder

to kick

a stonewall

to

break

thru

maybe

it will…

willingly

or the

crumbles

fall to

a tombstone

named

written

clearly

Its me

never was free

crippled

in my

own

insanity.

Life’mares

Cold sweats, he shooked

in and out of death,

silently whispering confession

of dark nightmares

hated

for years later

till death,

pointed a gun

in tears

to his left

lobe

erasing all fears

he let go

to leave

out of

misery…,

To

hunting me

again

he hasn’t left…

breathing the same whispers

at night,

tugging my pillow from

left to right,

hugging sheets

of repeated

whispers

hunted

sleepless

to praying

“My God Please…, take

this

PTSD away from

Me!”